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06 September 2008 @ 04:40 pm
tegoshi is a thinker. and he remembers.  
Author : Me
Pairing : Ryopi, One-sided(?) tegomasu
Rating : G
Disclaimer : If I had owned Tegoshi, he wouldn't be dancing and singing on national tv.
Summary : Tegoshi is a thinker.

Tegoshi is a thinker. And he remembers. He remembers and never forgets. Mostly he just wonders why he thinks so hard.

The first thing Tegoshi remembers is a huge metal door that opens up to dark and windy corridors, all seemingly leading to nowhere in particular. The next thing he remembers is walking along those corridors, his tiny hands searching along the walls, hoping to find an open door. However, those images do not stay long in his head as he recalls the very moment his fate was decided.

After moments of searching, his little heart pounding hard against his chest, he looked at the door in front of him and pushed it with all his might. To his surprise, it opened up to reveal a big room with pictures on the wall, a big desk placed in the middle of the room. Squinting his eyes, he spots familiar faces. KAT-TUN. Yamapi. Names that would be uttered by every girl in school. He admired these people, admired their fame. That was why he had sent in his application, hoping to be on par with them.

“YOU, what’s your name?” came a voice behind him, booming and frighteningly low.
“Te-Tegoshi desu.” A timid reply. His.
“I see. YOU, will be training with group A in room 18. Now, leave.” A decision made, final and unchallenged.
He runs out of the room immediately, shocked by the amount of authority in the voice.
That man scares me, he decides. Scary and mysterious.

Moments later, he finds out that the man he had spoken to was Johnny Kitagawa, the top man in the agency. And that was where it had started. The journey to the top, the lonely path that was paved for him.


Months after his little incident with Johnny-san, he’d started to make friends, to enjoy himself in the dance and singing sessions. However, during a session, he was called out by the teacher.

“Johnny wants to see you now. You’ll be excused from this class.” He sensed many eyes on him, some jealous, some curious. He had the whole class’ attention on himself. Great, that was just what he needed, wasn’t it?

Walking down the familiar corridors, his feelings surged as he recalled his first meeting with Johnny. He hoped that nothing would go wrong this time. Knocking twice, he waited for an answer before walking into the room.

There, he saw 8 other boys standing in front of the desk. Some familiar, some not. He even thought he had seen Yamapi, the leader of the juniors. His train of thoughts got interrupted when a voice spoke out. Johnny’s.

“Now that YOU-tachi are present, I will make an important announcement. YOU-tachi will form a new group called NewS, which is going to debut in 3 months time.” Gasps of surprise, giggles and laughter filled the room. It seems that some of them might have caught wind of the situation beforehand. There were two boys who had stood out, one expressionless while another simply smirked. The boy was Yamapi, he gaped.

Recollecting their attention, Johnny continued.

“Regardless of the groups you belong to, YOU-tachi will still debut as NewS in 3 months time. I wish YOU-tachi the best of luck.” The decision was final. He would debut as a member of NewS in 3 months time. There was no way out, he realized as he looked around the room, trying to recognize a familiar face, to put a name to those faces.

“YOU may go. Now.”

Tegoshi simply watched as the boys walked out of the room, their footsteps echoing in the vast corridors. Walking along the corridors, he noticed that one boy in particular had stopped walking, causing the others to crowd around him. That would be the leader, he reckoned. He ran up to see what was happening, realization haven’t been able to fully sink in.

“…b-b-but what’s going to happen to KKK? What’s going to happen to US?” came a loud and frantic voice. “…can we even make it?! It’s only three months. Three months, Yamapi!” came another. More and more voices joined in till he stopped figuring which voice belonged to which boy.

Suddenly, the chatters stopped. Yamapi, started speaking, his expression unable to read in the dark lighting.

“You guys should be happy to be able to debut, seeing that some of you are just newbie’s. Stop complaining and start training. Keep your worries to yourself and just play your part. Don’t make me do what I hate to do.” His voice tense, but controlled all the same. It looked like he was upset. Tegoshi wondered why, but decided to leave it at that. Everything was confusing enough as it is. Then, he noticed that Yamapi had his eyes on him. It was scary, his eyes. They were empty, deep and spiteful. As if they wanted him to disappear.

“That’s enough, Pi. There’s no need to get upset over this.” A hand placed comfortably over Yamapi’s hand, the other boy pulled him away. Surprisingly, Yamapi had just followed on quietly, his rigid form starting to relax.

But that was just the beginning. And Tegoshi wonders why he didn’t see it coming.


After the announcement was made, they trained vigorously for 2 and a half months, trying to familiarize themselves with the band. By now, Tegoshi had figured out the names and faces of the other members. There was Yamapi, their leader who was always expressionless and spoke only when he needed to. And then there was the boy who always stood with Yamapi, Nishikido Ryo. He was always looking smug, making snide remarks. Tegoshi didn’t like him. But there was a boy he did like, Masuda Takahisa. Massu was nice to him, always asking him out, helping him with unfamiliar dance steps. However, Massu had an uncanny resemblance to a pig. In addition, KKK which was made up of Kusano Hironori, Kato Shigaeki and Koyama Keichiro was also a part of NewS. He could only think of Kusano’s nosiness, Shige’s stiff smile and Koyama’s narrow eyes. Strange. However, Tegoshi found the last two members, Uchi Hiroki and Moriuchi something odd. Uchi was a bit too pretty for his own taste, prettier than himself. He didn’t like that. That moriuchi guy was simply… odd. He didn’t fit in. Tegoshi disliked Yamapi’s hateful glares, always lingering. He hated the fact that he was a newbie. He hated that he was treated differently. Mostly he hated that he had to be in NewS.


He remembers their first appearance as NewS. It was their first performance after their single was launched. They had smiled and introduced themselves, one by one. He had wondered how they managed to keep their masks on and not show their discontent with the arrangement. Keeping his questions to himself, he allowed time to bury them. By the end of a year, their interaction had gotten better. He got to know that Kusano was a proud brat, very much like himself. He also got to know that Ryo and Yamapi seemed to be a bit more intimate than the others. But mostly he understood the goodness of the band, the good it brought to have band members who understood you. He came to love NewS.

But nothing good was to last. After months of peace, Kusano and Uchi got suspended, one after another. The excuse was that they were caught drinking or smoking underage.
He hadn’t understood why they had to be suspended, seeing that Ryo and Yamapi would smoke a joint together, when they thought no one was watching[no, he was not a peeping tom.] But it had still hurt, the moment their suspension was announced. He had felt a sense of dread descending upon him, as if something worse was about to happen. And he was right. News was being suspended. Not only were they going to be incomplete, their activities had to be frozen. It wasn’t fair, he thought. He would scream and shout while holding unto Massu, after having a few drinks. It simply wasn’t fair, he thought, to have something so important taken from him. But he wasn’t alone, as he breathed in Massu’s scent. He still had Massu. He still had Tegomasu.

Another thing Tegoshi remembers is the tears, the precious tears that Yamapi had let flow. Ryo’s smaller figure holding unto Pi’s bigger one, their foreheads touching, their knees crouched. It was a scene too intimate, a scene too painful to watch, he thinks. The unspoken love between the two, the pain that they shared. Tegoshi wonders why he watches them so closely, playing with the fire till it burnt. He wonders why as he sees two figures disappearing into the janitor’s room, why such a scene hadn’t seem disturbing to him. Mostly he wonders why he wanted to Massu to treat him that way.


A year later, in 2007, their activities were resumed. But Uchi and Kusano had been cut out from the group. Moriuchi had left 2 months after their debut, so Tegoshi doesn’t miss him. But he missed Kusano. He missed Uchi, no matter how odd he seemed. They all did, silently reminiscing the past in private. Alas, they do what they do, carrying on their activities, as if nothing was changed. Yet, Tegoshi doesn’t miss a thing. He doesn’t miss the lingering looks the members sneak when they see Uchi or Kusano in the hall. He doesn’t miss the frequent messages they sent during breaks. Mostly he doesn’t miss how Massu seems to be a bit distant from him.


It is already August 2008, and Uchi has been given work to do, a drama role, Tegoshi notes. It is already August, but he doesn’t stop thinking about that moment where had faced a huge metal door and the dark and winding corridors behind it. He doesn’t, NO, he can't stop. He can’t stop thinking of hateful stares, tear-stained faces and of stolen kisses. He can’t stop thinking of his wistful thoughts. And he wonders about past regrets, lost companionship and forgotten bonds… He wonders if he could ever accept that nothing would be the same, about the life he would have led if he hadn’t been a Johnny. Mostly he wonders why he never made a difference.

(1) This is the first time I wrote something related to news that isn't pure angst. I hope it's good enough.
(2) Also, a teeny, tiny comment would be nice. Something like "i read it", you know? Or just a smiley. Really.
(3) This isn't my best piece yet. Forgive me for it.
(4) Enjoy reading~
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音楽: Empty stomach growling