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13 November 2008 @ 07:57 pm
chapter 1 : merely the beginning of a downfall. his.  
 Author : mariegina 
Rating : NC-17
Summary: Tegoshi is not perfect. Who ever said idols were perfect? Tegoshi was anything but.
Disclaimer : I'm not even PRETTIER than him. What makes you think I own him?
Warning(s) :  Gory? Or not. But yeah. 

Read the prequel community.livejournal.com/lifesexpression/4546.html#cutid1

The cuckoos perched on the window mock him with their eyes, their beaks screaming profanities at him. He feels shadows all around, hovering, overwhelming. As they close in more and more, he feels breathless, his head starting to feel light. He doesn’t know who they are, or even WHAT they are. They glide across his bedroom, swiftly to where he is. They don’t have eyes, nor do they have ears. They don’t have bodies, just faint silhouettes that hints that they are supernatural. Tegoshi starts to wonder if this is all just a dream. But he knows that, as he looks into the looming darkness, it is not a dream.


He jolts up in bed, cold sweat lining his forehead. It hasn’t been the first time, and he doubts it’s the last. Unable to fall asleep, he steps out of bed and wanders the corridors of his home. Looking up, he sees the moon, big and white. It feels strangely near, but nowhere threatening, unlike the one he sees in his dreams. No, nightmares. They are his nightmares, depriving him of rest. He knows not why it happens, but he does not know how to stop them. It is taking a toll on his body.

They are on a tour these days, NewS. He loves to sing, he loves to hear them praise him. Therefore, he forces himself to stay up, surviving mainly on adrenaline. They do not realize what is going on, neither do they care. He knows that is it bad to think such thoughts, thoughts that drain your energy, deplete you of life. However he cannot stop.

They eat at him, dreams of shadows and blood. A high-pitched shriek cutting through the air and ringing continuously, nameless faces haunting his every thoughts. He thinks he sees them in the dark corners of the room, among the audiences present outside. He thinks they are stalking him, that they are bringers of death. A bad omen.

At the same time, he feels that their nameless faces are a message. A sign of something he is supposed to remember. He doesn’t remember. It gnaws at him, scratches at his conscience.

It is now break time, and their next show is in 5 hours time. He sees flitting shadows and his head starts to pound. He feels his heart beating against his chest, struggling like a caged bird. It hurts.

His eyes wander about and suddenly- it stops. There is a knife on the table, placed there for their convenience- a fruits’ knife. He sees his reflection on the blade and a shiver creeps up his back. He feels excitement building in his soul and he lets out a smile. Reaching out to the object, his fingers wrap around the handle and he lifts up the silver.
All he sees is silver and all he hears is a deafening buzz that traps him in his own world. He sees silver, he feels silver. And suddenly, the silver disappears with red in its place. The red line trickles down his arm and he stares at it in amusement.

He watches as more blood trickles out and he starts to pull along the handle, red spots staining the white carpet beneath his feet. They form a pattern and Tegoshi wonders if he should do something about it.

Too late.

He lifts his head and his hand stops in midair. It is as that very moment when everyone else walks back into the room and stands still, stunned. He simply looks up at them and smiles. And then he speaks.

“Ne, how does it look? It’s pretty, isn’t it?

The silence is deafening as he enjoys the look on their faces, especially as realization dawns upon Koyama and his mouth drops open in horror. Everything slows down and Time stops as his head hurts as if someone was hammering a nail into his head.

The last thing he remembers before seeing all black is a female staff who sees him and shrieks, running out in a frenzy.

The darkness engulfs him, and he knows nothing more.
spinintriangles on November 18th, 2008 09:45 am (UTC)
mariegina, you've disabled your messaging, and also commenting from non-friends on your journal, so commenting on this entry is the only way that i can communicate with you, because i want to let you know these things.

i'm writing in response to your comments on lefaire's fic; i want you to know that i was unaware of exactly what you were talking about. you didn't specify exactly what was being plagiarized, so i thought it was just a case of an accidentally copied phrase or two of a writer that i had never read before. but catslove17's comment did clear things up, quite a bit; i've been able to look at both fics, and compare, and i realise my mistake.

however i am also commenting here to defend myself; because, as you wrote,

And actually, I did like reading your fics and maybe perhaps, wanted to become like you, able to write the things you do. This just changed my view of you.

i can't help but feel that this was a little unfairness coming from you because i was unaware of the full details of what was going on at the time; i was only defending a friend from what i saw was possibly an incorrect accusation. to suddenly have your view of me changed in a negative way seems a bit drastic; to suddenly dislike reading my writing is also a bit drastic: i had good intentions, even if they were misguided. i just don't understand how you would not like my writing because of what i said.

basically that sums up to: i don't know why are you seem so angry with me. i was defending a friend. i thought that there had been a misunderstanding and that was it, but i was wrong; but i don't think that what you said was fair, even if i was wrong.

i understand that i made a mistake, and i apologise for that; i didn't mean to make anyone angry, or upset anyone, and i still don't, and i'm sincerely sorry that there's been all this distress. i hope you don't take anything that i've said badly, because i don't mean to sound angry, or pretentious, i just want to tell you my side of it, and what i think about this whole issue.
Marieginamariegina on November 18th, 2008 10:15 am (UTC)
Okay, maybe I was a little unfair. I still like your writing. I was just a bit surprised at your reaction, cause it seemed like you knew but you still defended her. And it was pissing me off. A lot. Now that I know you didn't know, I apologize. It just seemed like you were defending her even though you knew what was going on.

I'm sorry because of my unfairness. In spite of how rude I sounded, it was just to gain an apology. lefaire totally deleted that entry and me and cat are very. very. angry. We really wanted an apology.
spinintriangles on November 18th, 2008 11:44 am (UTC)
oh, i see :D glad that's sorted out- i think we were both a bit in the wrong for not being clear. if i'd known i'd definitely not have defended her the way i did.

and yes, i've noticed that she's deleted the entry too. i hope that she still makes an apology, and maybe an explanation for her actions.

i hope that the you and i can have a good relationship in spite of all this, if that makes sense :D thanks for your understanding.
Marieginamariegina on November 18th, 2008 11:53 am (UTC)
thank you. maybe you could talk to her, instead? I mean, my friend already pm-ed her asking for an apology, but i doubt it would work.
trivialaffairtrivialaffair on December 2nd, 2008 04:42 am (UTC)
just. o_O
hitomi♡: tegoshieightroses on January 1st, 2009 07:37 am (UTC)
Through the eyes of a maiden: toma leaningbrown_cinnamon on January 8th, 2009 02:48 pm (UTC)
I can't say much...
Tegoshi is just..freak?
But understandable at some point.. :0

Off to next chapter...^^
Marieginamariegina on January 8th, 2009 04:50 pm (UTC)
haha. well. the story is not even half done, dearie. =D
(Deleted comment)
Marieginamariegina on July 10th, 2012 04:25 am (UTC)
What is the meaning of this?