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18 January 2009 @ 03:08 pm
drabbles set 1 : tis like a cup of coffee with cream and sugar, the aftertaste that lingers  
Title: Tegoshi loves christmas
Pairing: none
Rating: totally harmless. general lol
Summary: uhm. yeah. tegoshi loves christmas >>;;
A/N: first drabble ever. short, and suck

Tegoshi loves Christmas.

He loves it with all his heart, but not the way little children do. Because he knows, finds that Santa doesn’t exist, that life is not so perfect. Yet, Christmas remains his favourite occasion.

Simply because it allows him to be a child, to go back to those days when candy was just candy and not ecstasy pills, when girls smiled shyly and ran away when chased.

He loves Christmas, because Christmas is the only day he is himself.

Title: games
Pairing: nino/toda, one sided ryo/toda
Rating: pg-13
Summary: nino likes to play games
A/N: comments please? critism is always, and i repeat, always welcomed. =D

nino likes to play games. mind games, video games...especially love games. and so it doesn't come as a surprise when ryo walks into the room one day to find two figures huddled in the corner. He squints and realizes it is nino, towering, if not slightly, over Erika, hands trapping her in a corner. And he sees the intimacy, feels their ragged breathing and feels something go missing inside him. Their mouths move dangerously close to each other, unaware of the surroundings and he wonders if he should leave.

Damn, he thinks, damn it! Curling and uncurling his fingers, his hands ball up against his side and he tries to calm down by thinking of other things, happy things. Wonderful things. But it doesn’t soothe his soul as he opens his eyes to see them kiss and disgust wrecks through his body as he strides, no, runs into the room to grab his bag. He slams the door in their face, hearing their estranged gasps and then disappears from their sight.

Title: that name isn't his and it never will be
Pairing: ryotego
Rating: nc-17 perhaps?
Summary: tegoshi doesn't know how, or when it happened. but he knows that all is gone and he doesn't know how to fix it.
A/N: might suck for it was written in the wee hours of the morning. besides, my first ever ryotego.

tegonyan. tegonyan. tego

his name coming out in whispers. he feels the wind blowing against his skin, weaving in and out of his hair.
it feels as if ryo was there. ryo's hands, big ones that engulfed his tiny ones their hands fitting each other like a puzzle piece.

tegoshi. tegoshi.. tegonyan..

whispers of the wind. they won't let him go. whisking up his emotions, hurling them into a whirlwind of confusion.
it's almost as if ryo was alive. the wind whispering his name as ryo did. his face appearing in his thoughts, invading his every sight.
it's almost as if ryo never died.

tegoshi... ne, tegoshi. let's go..
words recalled from within, their very first date. the twinkle in his eyes; ryo's tinted cheeks[he always denied it, yes. but tegoshi knew what he saw.]
the slight turn of his lips, forming a smile instead of the smirk he always carried. that was their first date. their i-love-you's and warm smiles. but that was
only the beginning.

don't look, tego. don't look back. just keep walking.
lock the doors, tego. HURRY.
don’t leave me here, don't leave me alone... please, tegoshi... please!

the starting of his breakdown, ryo's eyes that spoke of desperation. he had always complained of stalking fangirls but this- this was different.
ryo had known the enemy. he had known the person those following eyes belonged to. he never understood why ryo was so afraid, so very afraid of that person.
it was as if the enemy was a plague, a forbidden past left collecting dust over the years.

ne, tegoshi. you like me, huh? Don't you?

a question thrusted into his thoughts, the answer lingering on his tongue. yet he never said the answer. because he could never forget the look in ryo's eyes.
those eyes were teasing, jeering at him as if he were a clown; daring him to say something different. and then it was gone, as swift as it came. ryo's concerned
eyes, caring touches. how he wished that was the only thing he remembered. but no, life was a bitch. tegoshi had a good brain, a tendency to remember.
yes, he thought, life was a bitch, indeed.

but nothing had prepared him for the worst. the night he was greeted with a sight so ghastly, tegoshi had wished he hadn't been born. the only time tegoshi had cursed his
memory, unwilling to let go.

hey, aren't you HIS lover? you are, aren't you? don't just stay silent!

words that pushed at him, shoved him towards the edge. words that came out of his lover's mouth, the same ones that kissed him good night, gently, lovingly.
those lips were punishing him, questioning him, hurting him. horrified, he ran away from the house, tears streaming down his cheeks, his hands shaking uncontrollably.
there was no stalker. there was no enemy. it was only him-

... you know it, right? that there's no stalker. you know it, that I am him. that he's going mad. you KNOW it.
yes, that's right. there was only ryo. another ryo that never smiled; another ryo that never laughed. this was a ryo full of hatred, his wounds manifestering maggots.
this was a ryo he'd never known.

sometimes he praised God for a good life, a good lover, great friends. sometimes he loved living. but at that very moment, he despised his talent; despised living.
despised his every word. life was a lie. a big white lie. that was it.

a few days later, ryo was found dead in his living room, a rope around his neck. pi had cried. jin had cried. both missed a few days of work. it was devastating.
suicide, they said. too much pressure as an idol or so the media was told. but he knew.
he knew of ryo's dark secret, the one that caused his death. it was not pressure. it was not love. it was only ryo's himself, unwilling to face the truth.
unwilling to seek help. ultimately, he had walked every step to his death.

ne, tegoshi. you like me, don't you?
... you know that I'm him. don't fight the truth.

closing his eyes, he fights back the tears, fights back the emotions. he mustn't cry; he mustn't forget. letting the wind caress his face, his eyes slide shut.
he musn't forget, that he knows. but he is alive. and the memories are keeping him awake, trapping him in the past. he basks in the moonlight, the faint traces of tears
visible. he musn't forget. but he must also live.
Marieginamariegina on January 18th, 2009 10:07 am (UTC)

ohkura is hina? no...i don't think so? :/